Belay like a Champion!
Encourage your climber. Please yell the following.
Step Up like you’re Channing Tatum!
It's not the size of the hold, it's the motion of the ocean!
This route should be called Jon Bon Jovi. Because it's singing "Lay your hands on me!"
STEM! Stem like you’re trying to get an HB1 Visa!
You’re crimping so good! You’re John Cougar Mellencrimp!
Open up! The wall is Barbra Walters and you’re an Oscar nominee!
Grab that hold like HR’s not watching!
Edge! You are the most identifiable element on the wall aside from Bono’s vocals!
Jam the crack. JAM THE CRACK.
You can breathe through your mouth, too! [for my hardcore yogis snorting up the wall]
You’re alpha. Fuck beta! It ends in the friendzone!
Put your foot up higher than where it is now!
Please to add your favorites in comments. I promise to take credit for them at the gym.